Disturbing dreams

Last night I had another dream. And again H-man(my ex) was in it. It was so weird and uncomfortable. It made my stomach queasy. And I just couldn't stop thinking about him all day. Which totally sucks, because I can't seem to function properly when he's on my mind. In my dream I remember being back in his country. I remember being in his living room, where we'd spend most of our time. We were very close to having sex, when all of a sudden we heard his mother approaching the living room and we panicked and sat on different sides on the couch. Then we somehow were back in the U.S and we were in what seemed to be my house. And again we were about to have sex. I was wearing, what I thought was something, cute and sexy. But before we were going to do it, he started complaining about what I was wearing. I remember feeling so down because I knew that it wasn't what I was wearing the turned him off, but rather, me :(. I hated him so much in my dream. I lay in bed half awake and half asleep, and I was analyzing my dream and his personality. He wasn't attentive, nor was he romantic. All I could think about after my dream was that the only thing he liked was having sex with me. He always said he fantasized about me. But in the last few months he was talking about threesome and what not. He always said that I should feel comfortable about it because it was just "fantasy" and never real. But after those talks, I realize that perhaps that was his way of distancing himself from me. And it was my fault for going along with it and feeding into it.

After the dream I felt disgusted. Yesterday, I felt so good. I was on cloud 9, because I told myself "I'm moving on and it's his loss not mine!". And now I'm feeling like shit. A few days ago he said "Leave me alone. I've moved on. For my own sanity I can't be in this relationship." There was many times in the past when I felt the same. We'd have a lot of break ups, but never in the 3 years that we were together did he say that to me. Three years for me is a long time. Our families got to know each other through the phone (his family lives overseas and mine in the U.S) He stayed at my parents' house when he came to town. And I stayed at his parents' house whenever I went overseas. We had planned to get married. We named our first born child. We could have been happy, but sadly he paid attention to those people at work. It wasn't even his family that got involved in our break up! But rather the pathetic people at work! And to make matters worse, his ex-gf. He rejected me, and casted me out his life. Did I mean anything to him? I've had friends who have gone through similar problems, and I've always had something positive to say, because I always knew that their boyfriends would come running back to them. And now, I sit here and wonder if he'll come back to apologize for the pain he caused. If he came back and apologized then perhaps I wouldn't feel like shit. Perhaps it wouldn't have an affect on my self-esteem. How could his heart betray me?